So here I am entering week two of social distancing. I had never imagined I would be writing that sentence, or living this scenario, but here we are. Like so many others at home, with kids or without, I have struggled at times to stay sane. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that we are all currently healthy, have plenty of food and activities to stay busy, and have a safe and secure home. I count my blessings that my family is lucky in this sense, and try to remind myself and my kids of that ever single day when we wake up.

There are so many people out there whose health has been impacted by this virus. There are also so many individuals in homes where their incomes are significantly impacted by this situation, or that may have been economically challenged before and are now having a hard time feeding their families. There are others who are in physically or emotionally abusive situations that they now have no relief from, or others who are completely isolated and lonely. I am not trying to depress anyone by pointing these things out; but, to remind myself and others to count our numerous blessings each and every day.

Despite the fact that we have things to be grateful for, it is 100 percent okay to struggle through this strange new normal we were handed literally overnight. I went from constant kids’ activities and dining out with friends to having to plan my kids’ time, in my house, 24 hours a day. Planning and eating every every meal at home is a huge change for someone who doesn’t cook. Throw in a husband who is now at home all day trying to work a stressful job with three kids here and it can get dicey. Did I mention I am an extrovert by nature and haven’t physically seen another person in over a week?

To put it mildly, this is tough for me, but it helps if I remind myself, regularly (hourly even) that it is 100 percent okay, and totally normal that this is difficult. Also, just because it is hard does not mean anyone is failing. We all need to cut ourselves some slack. Overnight we literally went from doing routine tasks like making sure our kids’ homework was completed and that they got to and from school and practices, to having no school or practices to send them to. Within hours we found out that there were suddenly no more friends with whom they could occupy their time, no fellow parents to chat with at games, and no play dates for little ones. No more preschool for our three year-olds, no more daycare for moms trying to work.

In the blink of an eye, what being a mom looked like changed drastically, in a way we have never navigated before. Working moms are figuring out how to work with their kids at home all day. All moms are trying to figure out how to make sure children keep on learning and thriving. How much electronics is too much? Should they be getting more exercise? Are they lonely? Are they snacking too much? How do I explain this situation to them? The list of unknowns moms everywhere are managing goes on and on, with no book or instructions on what to do. In any other profession or scenario no one would feel like they were failing if they didn’t know how to navigate such a novel and complex situation, but moms everywhere right now are worried we are failing.

Here is the thing moms – we are not failing. You are not failing if you find it hard to be home with your kids all of the time. You are not failing when you have a glass of wine (or more). You are not failing if your kids do zero crafts – ever. You are not failing if the kids’ day consists of a lot of electronics and very little learning. You are not failing if you find yourself ignoring your kids to get work done. You are not failing if you sneak off to binge a show while they are on said electronics. You are not failing if you ate half a tub of cheese balls yesterday. You are not failing if you haven’t organized one thing in your house and if said house is actual messier than it was before this whole mess started – side note, when are people organizing? These kids are here ALL DAY!

These are wild times, with a new way of living that could leave kids (and adults) scare and stressed. My kids may not have learned a new language or done any kid yoga, but they are calm. They seem happy – and are mostly having fun. Sometimes it is because they are reading a new book, or because we went on a hike or because we let them stay up late and eat ice cream. Other times, it is just because I let them have their electronics more than they should. In the end, they will remember this historic event for their whole lives and what they will remember is if they were happy, or sad, or stressed and probably not what they learned, or crafted. Yes, it is great if those things are happening in your house but it can also be great if they aren’t.

It is important for us to remember, happy mom equals happy kids – this health crisis has not changed that. So do what works for you, and your family, and importantly make sure you are doing things for your own mental health each day. Maybe you just need to have that cup of coffee in peace, go for a run, watch your favorite television show or eat the cheese balls (for the record, it is impossible to eat less than half of that tub). Yes, you love those kids, and yes you are still a good mom. This new, and temporary normal cannot change that – take care of yourself, have gratitude for the positives in your life, and most importantly do what works for you.